SANE — LightXMisa
by graylubitches
Summary: Misa realizes that Light is only toying with her even after everything she had done. And soon, her sanity disappeared little by little.


Disclaimer: i do not own Death Note.

Fanfiction by: graylubitches.

Do **NOT** Plagiarize in any sort of way such as; copying/pasting, editing, printing, saving to documents/files, translating, claiming this story as yours. That's just being purely disrespectful!

I can accept it if you are a silent reader or is a harsh commentor, or an anonymous hater, just don't break my number 1 rule which is 'plagiarizing'.

Thank you for understanding and enjoy the story~

_Rated-T for language and minor sexual intercourse so __**beware**__._

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**[Death Note]: LightXMisa — _SANE_**

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...

Misa have never felt so vulnerable. She now realizes her position; and quietly she asks herself the same question that had been **permanently** implanted in her head — _am I happy? _She had Light –no Kira. Her saviour. _Lover_.

And she was his. Her body, eyes, soul and life. Everything was his and he could do anything he liked with her. Now that Rem (her only friend in the world) was gone — there was no one to comfort her. Defenseless and alone once **again**. Numbness filled her body. '_Am I happy?_'

_"__Light! You're finally back! I cooked -"_

_"__Shut up Misa! I'm not in the mood for your crap!" Light yelled at her in fury. Although L was gone, a new dimwit had come in to ruin him. His little sister Sayu had been held hostage, in exchange for the Death Note. "Damn it! They will pay for this!__** I'll kill them!**__"_

_His voice sounded dark and a chill slid pass down Misa's back. Light threw a dagger at her which made her stumble back. Her fingers shook and quickly she averted her gaze away from his. An annoying laugh was mocking her from behind and she couldn't help but tighten her fingers together and resist the urge to punch the shinigami in the face. Even if her hand were to only go through his ghostly body, it was worth a shot. She hated Ryuk because he always liked to go beyond her limits. She bit her bottom lip and sucked in her pride. With the screeching sound her heels made, she turned around to hide herself into hers and Light's bedroom. She jumped on the bed and quickly slipped underneath the covers, cowering into a ball. Her heart was pounding in nervousness, mixed with a familiar feeling she'd so wanted to erase. Fear. The last time she'd ever felt that certain feeling was when her parents died right in front of her (with opened eyes) and she couldn't believe she was feeling it again. And the cause of it was the man she loves._

* * *

His electrifying touches made her flush and feel heated. The slender and long fingers playing at the fabric of her dress, amused at the laciness. She let out a gasp as she felt his free hand pinch her butt and deepened the kiss. The kiss was rough and she felt a tug from the straps on her shoulders. Slowly, her dress fell to ground revealing her with only her red and black undergarments; now, half-naked in front of him. Her hands played with his collar and they trailed down as she unbuttoned the first button of his polo shirt, the second, third, all, then threw the clothing to the ground.

The male harshly pushed her to the bed with his hand caressing her thigh and mouth sucking her neck. "Hn Light!" Misa moaned.

He hushed her and whispered words seductively in her ears, "You did a great job Misa. I wasn't disappointed one bit." He caught her lips into his once again and instantly their tongues fought for dominance — which obviously, Light had won in.

This was her reward for completing a task Light had assigned her. To kill another twenty or more people who had been constantly getting in his way. She tried to push the memory away of the hosts she had killed on tv. There was just too much blood disturbing her brain. Although she shouldn't feel bothered about the massacre since she have already killed so many innocent lives; the memory wouldn't leave her alone.

Her arms snaked around his neck and tried to forget about what happened. She was going to help Light. She was not going to turn her back on him. He was the only reason she lived. Because first, she had no one. And even if she were to turn against him, Light would never let her go that easily. Second.. **he would kill her**.

.

.

.

What was funny was that Misa... wasn't scared to die. _Not at all_.

* * *

She hugged the covers around her exposed chest. The sound of the man's breathing beside her was the only thing she could hear. While she racked her head in plenty of thoughts, unlike her, he was sleeping so peacefully. She stared at his angelic face. He looked so completely different from what he actually looks like when he's awake. Odd isn't it? Is he an angel in disguise?

'_Am I happy?_' She asked herself again and a tear rolled down her red and moist cheeks. '_How can I, when I know that I'm all alone.. Light doesn't love me. I'm a criminal. My life is gone. He holds it. I'm as good as dead. I'm nothing. I'm worth nothing. This isn't happiness.._' Misa choked a sob and immediately she slapped a hand on her mouth, afraid that she might wake the man up from his deep and calm slumber. She rolled on the other side of the bed, her back facing him and told herself to sleep her emotions off. With the pillow muffling her cries, she forced her eyes closed and felt that the night had been longer than usual. Everything was dark and it felt like eternity as she laid in bed — mixed with sorrow.

* * *

Her hand began to shake, clutching onto the blade. The blood oozed from her palm, simply testing how sharp the weapon was. She stared at the red, flowing liquid with a blank expression. It stung. But did not hurt her enough. She made the cut bigger and soon more blood drew out.

She wanted out. She felt hopeless. She wanted everything to end. Just like that. After years and years of killing and staying by the man she loves.. Misa was done.

With the blade pointed towards her neck, memories of her, Light and Rem flooded threw her clouded mind. Tears falling down her cheeks. No one was present at the moment. The house was quiet. Light had a meeting with the Task Force and Ryuk vividly followed. This was her chance. To end her life and take control of it herself. No one would be able to stop her.

Isn't that what she wanted? Then why did she keep glancing at the door? Stalling time? Was it because she thought that her shining armour would barge in to save her once again? But no presence came. She didn't know how long she sat on the floor with blood still spurting out from her hand but if felt long. The floor was a mess and it looked disgusting. The smell of her blood squeezed her stomach in repulsiveness but she continued to stare at the ground; still waiting.

A bitter smile appeared across her lips. She closed her eyes then prepared to stab the blade through her throat. Another tear fell and she muttered a farewell. "Goodbye Light Yagami. I love y-" Her eyes shot open. The loud noise of keys jangling echoed through her ears. The door opened and a surprised Light walked in.

"M-Misa.." he stuttered and the keys slipped away from his fingers, falling to the ground.

Misa swung and raised the knife in front of her in defense. She jerked back with a soft thump and yelled. "STAY BACK!" Her breath got caught in her throat and managed herself to avoid having her voice crack (which soon failed). "DON'T GO NEAR ME! I-I'M COMMITING S-SSSUICIDE!"

'_Who in their right mind announces their own suicide?! Idiot!_' Light bit down the insult and urge to laugh, not wanting to add fuel to the fire in this kind of situation. For some odd reason, he felt a tug at his chest as he stared at the anger in her eyes, yet deep down those pupils were the non-stop screams of terror. "What are you doing Misa?! What? Are you going to leave me now too!? Just like everyone else!?" The boy hissed, guilt tripping her, but all she did was snort.

"What are you talking about, Light? Since when did I mean anything to you? Aren't I only a tool? A toy you can play with anytime you want?! SO DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT!" she raised her voice. The two had a glaring contest and no one dared to break it. Even if Misa had already started crying once again, the two's eyes stayed glued. Misa couldn't believe it. Light was doubting her love she has for him. "I love you, Light. I know I said it was okay for you to use me but, it actually isn't. I'm a fool. For someone to just give someone else's her own life, it's pathetic. I'm hurting. But you never cared. I mean nothing to you and it deeply pains me. And now that I realize how stupid I've become. I don't want to live behind your shadows anymore. I'm done. Kill me. I would actually pretty much like that." The knife flew from her side to the ground near his feet after swiftly throwing it to him. "Kill me, Light. I want everything to finally be over." Patiently, she waited on the floor with her head down. She was going to die. By Light himself.

Light picked up the blade then walked towards the girl. He squatted down in front of her, scanning her lifeless body. It dawned to him that her right hand was bleeding and he placed his left hand on it, making her wince. Using his other hand where the blade was located, he pushed it under her chin to lift her head up so she can stare at him. He had never seen Misa so broken. Her cheeks moist from her non-stop tears awhile ago. Eyes tinted red. The look on her eyes told him how fragile she was in this state. He showed her no emotion as he glided the knife up against her cheeks. She didn't even flinch and somehow it scared him. Did she really want to die?

Soon, his question was answered. "Just end it already. I want to stop hurting, Light. Kill me. **_Please_**." The girl pleaded him and it made him inwardly frown at how weak she was right now.

He growled under his breath. "If you really do love me, why leave me alone to suffer?" Misa's eyes rounded and she let out a gasp. In shock and fury. She gave him a shove on the chest (using her non-bloodied hand). Why does he keep doubting her love?!

"What do you mean?! You know perfectly well how much I love you! I just! I just realized now that you'll never love me back and sooner or later I would have to accept that!" she argued.

He stared at her in expressionless examining her for a good while. "What happened to you? This isn't the girl who used to prance around in short mini dresses, pouncing on the guy she loves every time he comes home from work, and smiling, laughing cheerfully for everyone to hear until they get annoyed." He didn't miss the glint of surprise her eyes showed before returning back to its dullness. "You're different. You're not Misa-Misa."

The girl in front of him only laughed. Her voice ringing in his ears but he made no move to seem even the least bothered by it (though he was in the inside). She was crazy and in_**sane**._

Her laughter stopped and he waited for her to counter-back. She, of course, did. "Misa is tired of putting on an act. Misa-Misa no longer worships you. She no longer wants to be with you. She wants everything to end. Kill her. Kill Misa. Kill me."

The knife slipped away from his hands as it landed on the bloody floor, producing a small splash of the liquid. His eyes hardened but his jaw did not tighten as he spoke smoothly. "You know very well Misa that I don't like to dirty my hands."

"Says the man who kills people by writing their names on a book and uses his hands to do it," she backfired with a firm tone. He remained calm although her words did annoy him. He slowly stood up and looked down at the hopeless girl.

"If you wanna die, do it yourself. I'm not doing it. It'll only itch my hands." He turned his back away from her then walked away to _their_ –no his bedroom.

Somehow, his words hurt her. '_He really doesn't care.._' Misa felt herself breaking and her eyes turned scary, red and deadly; switching on her shinigami eyes. She clutched onto the wooden plank before reaching for the blade once again. Her heart was pounding and softly she let out a cry. "I-II'm a fool for loving y-youu!" But then again, she have already lost her sanity. There's no point in contradicting anymore.

The sharp, pointy metal poked her skin and once again she prepared to lunge at her neck. "I can't believe this.. Even if you did walk away from me..." There was pause as she tried to gather her breath. Adrenaline rose up as it clawed inside her body. _*I'M A FOOL! A FOOL! A FOOL!*_ she repeatedly screamed inside her head. Then with another cry she yelled, **"****LIGHT YAGAMI, I LOVE YOU!" **

She swung her arm then blanked out. Darkness filled her vision and her heart stopped. _Even after everything that had happened... _Misa sobbed. _I still love you._

_._

_._

_._

_Am I dead?_

"Not quite." That voice. It belonged to someone she fairly knew. Her eyes shot open and she found herself staring at a smirking shinigami.

"Ryuk.." she growled angrily. She caught sight of the blade in his hands as he twirled it in the air, mocking her. "Give me back the knife!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that," the shinigami said oh-so casually.

Misa grew even more mad. "Why not?! Don't you want me to die?! And be gone from your life?!" She clenched onto her fists, ready to box the person who had been a 'nuisance' to her for so very long now. Because he's here again, sabotaging her plan to die.

"Believe me sweetie, I do." Misa softly gasped. "**But this is an order from Light.**" Ryuk laughed before floating away to the bedroom as he went through the wall. "Job done, Light! Now where's my apples?!"

Misa felt her heart rise and her breath hitched. _*Light.. but why!?*_

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**_messejii_** from graylubitches: okay, so this is going to sound pretty arrogant.. but.. i'll really encourage people to R&R. it'll help me decide on when to update this story and when not :P do: ignore my mistakes because i don't check them very well. NON of my stories are BETA read. i proof read them myself and i'm too lazy to find or ask for one :3


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